Thursday, February 2, 2012

Direchihuahua's Rules of Professional Conduct #2: Don't Be Afraid of Responsibility

Wherever you work, you've probably come across a few tasks that simply refuse to be enjoyable. If that last bit describes your entire occupation, you should probably find something else to do with your time, like shoplifting or okra farming.

In any case, there is an important aphorism you must remember when you are faced with these tasks. It goes like this: "Don't be afraid of responsibility."

That's right. Instead of running away from the things you don't like, embrace them! Ask to do them! Your employer will be so pleased that he'll probably give you a raise, or maybe a small piece of chocolate. Okay, probably just a pat on the head. Well, it's really more likely that he'll say something like "Good job, Stubbins!" (or whatever your name is) if he's a nice boss, and just grunt if he's a bad boss.

You're probably asking yourself "That doesn't make any sense." Well, you're wrong, because that's not a question. Also, there's a second aphorism that goes along with the first: "Make responsibility afraid of you."

If you only followed the first one, your boss would probably keep making you do the things you don't like to do, because no one else wants to do them either.

Instead, add the two together. Like I said before, volunteer for all the things you hate doing. Just make sure you're not too good at them.

Whatever you do, don't be horrible at them either. Horrible people get fired unless they're related to the boss. If you're one of those people, disregard the rest of this post and enjoy your free ride.

Your best strategy is to either do things perfectly but slowly, or sloppily but quickly. This works especially well after you've just been hired on and they haven't figured out what you're capable of.

Conversely, make sure to be incredibly good at the things you like so that your boss assigns them to you more often.

These tools will allow you to successfully train your boss. Come to think of it, this is probably the same psychology dogs and cats use on us. Hmm.

The best part about all of this is that your boss will think he's just assessing your natural strengths and weaknesses.


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The Institute for Circular Reasoning by Peter Semple is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.