I have come to the inescapable conclusion that my brain has been completely consumed by mucus. The result is that the mucus has become marginally more intelligent than before, and I have been turned into the functional equivalent of a cucumber.
"But how," you may ask, "are you continuing to write brilliantly on your brilliantly brilliant blog of brilliancy?" (the word "brilliant" looks really weird after you type it several times in succession...)
"Because," I reply, "by consuming my brain, the mucus has achieved sentience and is now controlling my every thought and action."
Yes, it's true, ladies and germs. I have a cold.
(insert cheesy horror music here)