I just wish romance would leave me alone and have done with it. Enough with the taunting.
Being single at TUFW seems more and more like being single on Noah's Ark. Just let me off the boat now...please? I'd rather "drown" (figuratively speaking, of course) than spend the rest of my life minus a companion.
I know I should learn to content myself with my current condition. I know that God has a plan for me, and that everything will come in His timing. However, it's becoming increasingly difficult to keep these phrases from sounding like platitudes used to comfort those who will never find what they're looking for.
Overly pessimistic? Perhaps. It's just the mood I'm in at this ungodly hour of the morning. I'll probably snap out of it as soon as breakfast rolls around. Until then, I'll run with the catharsis.
What was I saying? Oh yeah.
It's not as if I'm not interested in anyone. There are a number of young ladies here that I admire and respect, and whose company I enjoy.
There are several questions that hold me fast. First, "Are you willing to make another mistake and ruin a friendship?" Second, "What makes you think any of them would be interested?" Third, "Are you ready?"
The first one weighs heavily. Thankfully, I'm on fairly good terms with everyone I've dated. Still, things aren't the same between us, and though I've learned from my mistakes, I still regret them. I just don't want to hurt anyone else, or be hurt in return.
The second one weighs less heavily. I've always feared rejection in some form or another. I'm a little more confident these days than I have been in the past, but it would still suck enormously to set my hopes on someone who couldn't and shouldn't reciprocate my feelings.
The third one is the heaviest of all. I don't want anything to stand in the way of what God wants to do in my life. I really don't. It's better for me and for my future spouse that He continue unobstructed.
After reflection, I've come up with the following:
On the one hand, God's answer seems clear: "Stay back, watch, wait. Learn to follow Me, and when you are ready, I will bring an Eve to your Adam."
On the other, I really don't feel like waiting.
I guess it's not really about what I feel like, is it?
Lord, send me the one who completes me, but in your timing. I submit my will to yours, no matter how anxious I am to have what's meant for me. Amen.